This Is Why Lauren Jarvis-Gibson Shouldn’t Write Articles Romanticizing Anxiety

Hey, Lauren. I read your column. Fixed it for you.

People with anxiety aren’t perfect. We’re painfully aware of that. Yeah, “nobody’s perfect,” but you should love a person despite their flaws, not manipulate their flaws for your benefit.

When you fall in love with someone with anxiety, you’re loving someone who will question your love. Someone who will freak out after a minute of no response.

When you love someone who has anxiety, you are loving someone who is sensitive and empathetic, but almost to a fault. And they are going to tiptoe around your love, constantly fearing that something they do will be the final straw.

They are going to be the type of person who senses things that aren’t there. That slight frown on your face? Oh God, you hate me. That unanswered message? Oh God, you died. Our minds go to extremes automatically. We assume the worst.

People with anxiety are not to be stereotyped as old or young souls. There are actually other aspects of people that determine that, like, you know, their personality. And they will pour as much energy into the relationship as they choose to.

They might take you for granted because, believe it or not, sometimes people with mental illness can be bad people. The ones that care about their relationships, however, are aware that their anxiety creates problems. They know their anxiety can be a handful. They might shut you out. They might not be honest with you.

When you love someone with anxiety, you’re loving someone who believes that your relationship is doomed, that there’s no way to find someone who they will be able to truly trust.

They know that they have “baggage.” They know that they have issues. Their mental health can sometimes bring you and your relationship down and they believe you’ll get fed up and leave eventually. They just hope you won’t.

When you love someone with anxiety, you’re loving someone who may walk out. You are loving someone who might not give you their whole heart, even if you give them yours. Surprise, people with anxiety aren’t guaranteed to love you back. Oops, our bad.

You are loving someone who may not be overly affectionate.

You are loving someone who has a personality of their own.

You are loving someone who may not have enough time and energy to deal with anyone else’s problems.

You are loving someone who may not hold you when your stress gets the best of you because they know that holding someone while stressed or having an anxiety attack may freak them out more.

You are loving someone who will never judge you for your mental health, but will not necessarily understand it. They probably don’t even understand their own, since only about a third of people with anxiety get treated, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. They may not even be aware that they have it, as anxiety can be developed later in life.

And when you love someone with anxiety, you may fall in love with a wonderful human being. Or you may fall in love with a horrible human being. Of course, because anxiety doesn’t define who they are, even though it can add complications to their personality. But, just know, they may feel broken. Worthless. Unloved. Stressed. Untrusting. Clingy. Annoying.

You get the point, right? I think you can fix the rest yourself.